Blood

Fridays are for pleasure. I’ve managed to secure this for myself. I don’t feel guilty to devote some of my time to what I cherish most about work. My site and my writings; my photography and inspirational readings; my reasearch around style and female empowerment. Mood is at its best on Fridays.

But this Friday morning I cried hard. I was late in my period. Eventually blood found its way out of my body. Am I sad because I’m not pregnant? No…I am sad because I feel so bloody relieved not to be. At the age of 42, being healthy and accidentally pregnant should count as a blessing not as a curse! But not for me. I was terrified of the prospect of having another baby…And - don’t get me wrong - I love babies. I adore my daughter. But I despise money and time shortage and low back pain that comes with it!

You see, I am not privileged enough to be able to quit working for as long as I need to. There is no such thing like paid maternity leave in my profession. If I do quit working, we are going to be so short in our income it will suffocate us. Nike doesn’t deserve this. My husband and I either. Moreover, I wouldn’t have time to work on my fasfem projects. And my spine is quite as sensitive as it is…

Our societal norms expect women to create and expand families without providing them the tools to survive. We are trying to balance work, housework and family emotional labour while being pregnant. A true juggling act. As a result our bodies ache and our minds get blur. Our identity gets lost somewhere between the constant demand. Sometimes even our sanity….This has got to change.

So here I am feeling relieved and - after putting these thoughts down in paper - not so guilty anymore. And calm. And would like to be hopeful that soon the day will come that all the above won’t be an issue anymore. That the ones who give birth to this world will be treated as the complicated and magnificent creatures they are. Not as reproductive machines who need to quit most parts of their identity in order to support a family.

I intend to work for it.

Would you care to join me?

Sharing your thoughts below could be a good start…

* pic by @brunomarcal